Sunday, June 13, 2010

On quitting the cigarettes

For a long while, I thought I will never quit smoking.

I have not touch a cigarette for exactly one month and 14 days now. I have been smoking for more than 2 decades, quitting smoking is a bit like quitting some kind of drugs, but easier. Both takes extreme determination, but with smoking, you do not suffer any physical discomfort at all, as opposed to drugs, in fact, you actually feel physically and mentally better.

In the last 45 days, whenever things go wrong, there is something automatic in my body that will trigger the "need cigarette" button, that is why i failed in my previous attempts to quit, because i would tell myself "it has been such a shitty day, i shouldn't deprive myself of just a few cigarettes." so i never quit. because things go wrong every other 2 days, being a designer faced with mostly difficult clients.. which client is ever easy anyway? they all have their agenda, sometimes good ones so your suffering is more worth it, but sometimes bad ones, so it is truly suffering.

for close friends who know me all these years, they are obviously amazed/shocked/in complete disbelief that i actually quit. i told them the time is right and didnt want to say too much because i am afraid that i will be back at it.

Tonight, i really felt like a cigarette, and it is as painful to resist as hell. thank god i am home and all cigarettes have long been thrown away, so i just have to bite a slipper. 

For those friends who wondered why, just to ease the urge now, maybe i should remind myself publicly finally my reason for quitting so you can now all scorn at me in case i do pick up a cig -
my mum went for a major surgery recently and after that, she, as someone who can usually take much more physical pain that my dad, told us how unbearable the surgery was, and for reasons, this surgery can only administer localised anesthesia, so she is made aware of the surgery which lasted 2 hours and whether it is psychological or it is physical, she described to us the pain and it really breaks my heart and makes me cry. 

my mum has never ask of me anything. the only thing she constantly nagged at me over the years is to quit smoking. i was irritated all these years, i am not any more. it is such a small thing to do for her, if she could just be healthy for a long, long time.

this is a sort of a personal oath that i took.

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